Confessions of a Pastors Wife

Have a Great Summer

As you can see... I am taking a little break from my blog. I am hoping to keep writing over the summer but not necessarily for my blog. I love to write and I will be back on the blog but I am going to take some time off  blogging while my kids are on summer holiday's.

My prayer is that over the summer that you would have a deep revelation of the depth of God's love for you. That sounds so cliche... like something we all hear all the time... but if we truly understood the depth of God's love for us and received it, we would never be the same again. We need to be reminded of this every single day.

Just this week I made a terrible mistake... I was so ashamed of what I had done... As I struggled through layers of shame in what I had done I realized that if I was allowing shame to rule me that I truly did not understand the depth of God's love for me. Shame is not from God... because shame gives power to the sin... and denies the power of God to forgive and transform my life. Even though I had asked for forgiveness, I still felt I needed to pay for my mistake. 

But instead of marinating in my shame, I chose to believe in the power of the cross, the power of God's forgiveness of my sin, and the power of God's transforming grace. Grace does not let me off the hook but it sets me free to change my behavior... All that from a revelation of the love of God.

Anyways... His love is so powerful and I pray that each of you has a deep revelation of that love and what it means for your life and the plans God has for you.

See you back here in August or September.

Happy Birthday Jason

Today is  my husband's Jason's Birthday and I am not with him. We celebrated his birthday yesterday and Thursday but today is the actual day he was born.

My sisters and I always talk about how blessed we are to find the kind of men we have. My Dad and Grandfather tell me over and over how amazing they think Jason is and how blessed I am to have him.

Jason exceeded every expectation I have ever had about what it was like to be in a relationship and what it was like to be married. He is truly remarkable and I love him more and more every day. Each and every day He grows as a follower of Christ, as a man, as a husband and as a Father.

As he cares for our kids this weekend I will not need to think twice about the kind of care they will get. They will be fed, they will be bathed, their teeth will be brushed and they will be played with... I marvel at what Jason is able to do and what he enables me to do as a Mother of 4.

Even though we are not together today I celebrate his life, I celebrate the man he is and I celebrate in our love.

Happy Birthday Jason

So Annoying

I just wrote something to post and my computer crashed... I lost it...

Yes my Mac crashed... it's in need of a tune up...

I don't have time to rewrite...

That's so annoying! It's a good thing it wasn't anything earth shattering...

Have you ever lost something really important because your computer crashed?

A Worthy Cause is Not Hard to Find

Seriously though... I know the fact that I am leaving Jason with the kids this weekend does not make me a bad wife or Mother... even if it is on his birthday.

But this does raise the constant question of people in ministry or people who are passionate about giving their  lives for a cause greater than themselves... What is more important?

This weekend I am walking in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer, I will walk with thousands of other and together we will raise millions of dollars to fight cancer. It's a noble cause, it's a worthy cause but for people who believe they have the power to change the world a worthy cause is not hard to find.

People in ministry feel a constant tension between the priorities of family and doing "God's" Work. God's work is never done so you have to ask yourself often if your actions match your priorities. At the end of your life the people who will carry on your legacy will be your inner circle. Your family, children, friends, the people who shared your passion and mission.

However there are no guaruntees... if your actions don't match what you say is important to you then you may not have people at the end of your days to carry on the legacy of your life.

Jesus spend time ministering but He also spent quality time with those who would carry on the legacy of His life. A legacy that many of us are still carrying today.

Although I am joking about being a bad wife for leaving my husband with the kids on his birthday, Jason I didn't reach the decision for me to experience this without much discussion and intention. We decided together this would be a valuable experience and worthy of investing into. As Ministers we can get so focussed on our own churches that we don't even see the great things that are going on all around us.

I am so blessed to be married to a minister who values His family. He is a constant example to me of someone who puts his family first as an act of worship to God. I am also blessed that he would support me by giving up his birthday so I can go out and fight Breast Cancer.

Are you passionate about something greater than yourself? Does your passion pull you away from things you value?

On the Scale of Bad Wives of the Week – This One Ranks Up There

This Saturday is my Weekend walk… I will leave around 5:30am and come home around 4pm Sunday… Yes… I am leaving Jason with the kids again… for those of you who don’t know… I just left Him with the kids 2 weekends ago.

But as if that is not bad enough… Saturday June 7th is his birthday. I leave at 5:30 in the morning and will not return until 4pm the next day.

So if you have a chance to send him an email or give him a call, he'll be here loving on our kids while I am off saving the world. Well not exactly...

It's Finally Here!

The Weekend to end Breast Cancer is this weekend… I am so excited about it…

Thank you so much for all your donations… I have reached my goal thanks to so many of you. Thank you for supporting this incredible cause and now I can wait to do the hard work of earning the money you so generously donated.

I keep checking the weather network over and over again… I remember telling a friend that I didn’t care how hot it would be but if it was cold and windy I would not be a Happy Walker… The forecast is calling for 29 degree’s, feels like 36 with the humidity… for many this will be difficult but for me it sounds delightful!

I love the heat and if it ends up raining as is also forecast, I will pretend I am on Survivor or Amazing Race and having to brave the elements in order to complete this unbelievable task.

I recently asked myself this question…

If what I value was based on what I spend my time on… what do I value?

I know the answer to that question, even if I wanted to try and deny or justify what I spend most of my time on, my kids and husband could probably reassure me that my own personal assessment was correct therefore disqualifying any justifications I might have for what I spend my time on. 

If you are reading this right now maybe you are like me...

Ok… let me justify for a minute… It’s not like I spend hours a day on my computer. I spend most of my day cooking, cleaning, and looking after my 4 children.  The next chunk of time would be spent sleeping. Quality time with Jason would be another thing I value and spend time on daily. Ministry is also something I spend a chunk of my time on, whether that’s my one-day a week in the office, or lifegroups or meetings or church. Outside of those things, which do take up most of the time I have, there is my daily devotional time, exercise if and when I can, reading, time with friends, watching TV or movies and the computer.

So of the leftover time that I am not spending on these other things I like to spend time on my computer, emailing, writing, and reading. However the reason I feel convicted when I answer this question is because I do not really value my time on the computer. Some of it I do… but most of it I really don’t. I love to write and I feel like writing is a valuable use of my spare time. But most of it is fluff that get’s me to the stuff I love, the stuff that’s important to me. But obviously in my actions I value it more then I care to admit because when everything else is done, and sometimes even when it’s not, I am waiting to get back to my computer.

Since I have asked myself this question I have made the choice not to be on my computer as much. I don’t check my email much over the weekend. I don’t blog over the weekend. I don’t blog as much as I did before.  I have people helping me with Church related responsibilities that kept me on the computer.

And what have I done with that extra time? Well I have spent more time with my kids and I have spent more time exercising. So I replaced something I was spending my time on that I didn’t truly value for something I truly value and want to spend more time on.  At the end of the day I realized that all these hours on the computer would not amount to anything. Although they make me busy and give me the illusion that I am doing something valuable, much of my time on the computer is wasted time.

Time with my kids will never be wasted time… time exercising will never be wasted time… there are many things I do with my time that are healthy and do add value to my life and to the lives of the people closest to me but checking email 4 times a day or more is just not one of them.

Do you spend a lot of time on your computer? Do you feel that some of that time could be better spent elsewhere?

Is It Worth the Wait?

Every year in the summer we go fishing at my parents place. We fish off a dock and the kids catch sunfish or we take the boat out and try for some bigger stuff. I have never had the patience for fishing, the reward of catching the fish is just not worth the wait in my experience. However it's fun when the fish are biting and it takes only a few seconds or minutes to catch one.

So much of our perspectives depends on our experiences in life. If you have had the reward of a "Big Catch" you keep going out for more no matter how long you have to wait. But if you have never experienced the "Big Catch" you lose interest fast. If there is no fruit in your labour, nor hope of fruit to come we lose the motivation to wait.

It's like our experiences with God... If we have had one, we will wait for another. If we have never had one we have no idea what we are missing. I have had many incredible experiences in my relationship with God over the years. Incredible encounters with the living God that changed my life forever. These encounters didn't involve angels, or the paranormal. They were more like honest reflections before God. Reflections of who God has created me to be and the realities of me living my life as though I don't believe it. 

Seeing my life change, growing, taking faith risks, stepping out in faith to minister to other people and seeing the fruit of my labour and the work of God through me has created a hunger for more. So I wait... I wait in anticipation like a fisherman waiting for the "Big Catch". I wait for God to speak to me, to touch my life, to use me to further His Kingdom on earth because I know another "Big Catch" is coming. I know another experience with Him could come at any time.

God wants to touch us, He wants us to experience Him. He is everywhere, working, moving and He wants us to see it. He wants us to see what He is doing all around us, in our lives, through our lives but it usually doesn't look they way we think. It often looks like an ordinary everyday experience that turns out to be an extraordinary divine encounter.

This is my cousin. She is  working on the Mattagami River about an hour north of Kapuskasing. She is catching Walleye, Pike and Sturgeon up there. When I look at the fruit of her labour I would say it was worth the wait.
 



 Have you ever had an experience with God? Was it worth the wait?

The Knife Goes Deep

Parker’s Birthday was last Saturday. He is the younger of our two sons and it’s always hard for our older son Tref to wait for his birthday, which comes next month. He always gets a little out of sorts over all the wonderful new toys that Parker gets and he doesn’t.
 
This year as he was watching Parker open his gifts he was so happy for him. So happy and so excited, it was nice to see.  Although his excitement was there because he peaked and knew what was coming is not the point… Little Stinker!

Anyways… everything was going great until… Parker opened the very first ever “Webkin” to enter into our house. A Webkin is a stuffed animal that comes with a code for the Internet. Your Webkin has a whole life online meanwhile you get to enjoy the soft stuffy in real life.  Kids collect these Stuffed Animals and they are quite popular… Of course Tref is the only one in his whole class that doesn’t have a Webkin yet…

Well the moment Parker unwrapped his new Ffroggie" Webkin, Tref looked like he had been betrayed. He pursed his lips together and his face went flushed as he tried to hold back the tears. He didn’t say anything and Parker didn’t notice his obvious pain but Jason and I both did… the knife went deep… He was fine with the transformers, he was fine with the Lego, he was fine with the Wii games but the Webkin was personal… It was something Tref wanted so bad.

He managed to keep his composure and overcome the urge to cry or get upset but it was very hard. The irony of the moment is that I had intended to give a Webkin to each of the kids before the end of the day.
As I watched Tref win this moment in his life I saw a huge life lesson unfold. Tref was able to put his personal desires, dreams, wishes aside and celebrate in the joy of his brother’s birthday even though, his brother got exactly what he wanted.

So many times we are given opportunities in life to celebrate in what others have. We can choose to celebrate or be jealous and envy them.  A promotion, a bigger house, a car, a boyfriend, weight loss, recognition… go down the list… what do you want? Whatever it is… you can guarantee that people all around will be getting it or at least it seems that way.

The reward comes when we win this one. When we can truly be happy for the people around us who have what we want. Then we are free to have it too… When someone is blessed they are not taking the blessing that you were supposed to get. There is not a limited amount of blessing that can be poured out… there is enough for everyone.

Later on that day Tref got his very own Webkin… He was so happy and so excited and he didn’t waste even a moment of his day being envious of his brother, he simply chose to be happy for him and celebrate in Parkers wonderful day.

When there is something that you want do you notice others who have what you want? How does it make you feel?

This is Me Begging

I was just getting ready to prepare a nicely worded email warmly compelling you to support me in my Weekend to End Breast Cancer. In 2 or so short weeks I will be doing a 60 km walk to end Breast Cancer. That’s a little under 40 miles for you Americans.

As if spending an entire weekend walking and camping is not crazy enough I have to personally raise at least $2000 to put my body through this distress.  My sister in law did it last year and she could barely walk after the weekend…  I have raised $750 so far,  and I am so thankful to each one of you who donated to this worthy cause.

Now I am not complaining here, I knew this when I signed up but the reality of raising funds is hitting me as I am $1250 short of my goal.  If I don’t raise the money I can’t do the walk, now I know I will raise the money in time, but I really don’t want to go door to door or spend a day outside a grocery store selling Hotdogs and Hamburgers, although that would be an excellent way to lessen the pride in my life.

So this is my pure, shameless plug to support a great cause and a great weekend that raises millions of dollars for cancer research. Yes that is right… I am begging… But seriously… if you can spare a few bucks and have a minute or two to make an online pledge just click on the link below.

If you would like to sponsor me you can go to endcancer.ca or click here to enter my personal page

And thanks so much for reading my blog!

Have you ever had to raise a lot of money for a worthy cause?

Sneak Peak

This year both Parker and Tref were so excited for Parker’s birthday, which was on Saturday. They were giddy and super excited for a couple of days and the day before they couldn’t stop talking about it all day and didn’t fall asleep until 10:00pm because they were so excited.  Parker kept saying… I am going to be the Birthday Boy… You guys have to say... Happy Birthday the Birthday Boy…

Parker woke up at 5:20am the day of his birthday and just couldn’t wait to get the day started. We were not as enthused at that time but our day did start shortly after.

Parker opened his presents in the morning and Tref was standing over his shoulder, super excited, waiting to see what he was going to get. After he had opened all the presents, Tref said… Mom… I think you forgot one… And he was right… Jason had bought them a Wii game and I forgot to wrap it…
But then I was like “Hey, how did you know I forgot one?” He said that’s not the one you forgot… So I asked him… What Did I forget?  He picked up a Mars Mission Lego set and pointed to a picture on the back of the box for a different set and said you forgot to wrap this one… I said no I didn’t… Tref said yes you did, I saw it in a bag downstairs…

The little stinkers peeked… Tref said as soon as he found it he told Parker to come and look at this… but Parker wouldn’t look… He wanted to be surprised… But as Tref looked through the bag he didn't realize some of the gifts were for him.

Anyways… that explained why they were so excited… they really wanted those Lego sets.  It kind of reminds me of how I feel when God speaks to me through someone or personally. I feel so excited about what is coming because I immediately try and figure out exactly how it’s going to happen, or when I am going to get it. But God sometimes shows us things not for the reasons we think.

Tref was a little disappointed that Parker didn’t get all the Lego sets but what he didn’t realize is that the ones he was waiting for are for him. He just has to wait. We don’t realize the plans and purposes God has for us sometimes, when God gives us a peak we have to stop trying to figure it all out and just wait… Just trust and wait.

Good things come to those who wait and those who wait with faith that God is who He says He is, live a fulfilled life even while they are waiting.

Has God given you any "sneak peaks" lately about His plans for your life?  Do you find it hard to wait?

The Pencil Can

I have a cupboard in my kitchen that holds a container with pens in it. For the last few months I have been using a plastic cup to hold the pens and pencils. The problem with this cup is that it’s narrower at the bottom than it is at the top.

Every time I go to put a pen or pencil in it, it would get stuck and not go down into the cup because the bottom was more narrow. Every time I had to try and shove a pen or pencil into the cup I would get instantly tense and make a sound like ARGH!

Do you have something in your life right now that is a constant annoyance? Maybe a drawer or cupboard is too full and stuff falls out every time you open it. Or maybe you can never find anything in your purse.

Well recently I used a can of tomato sauce for dinner. I opened the can knowing that it would make a perfect pencil holder. It was nice and wide and even all the way down. I was so excited to fix this problem that had been bothering me for months.

My new pencil can has brought me so much joy these last couple of weeks. I can now fit all my pencils and pens and even scissors in the can with ease. It’s amazing how something so small can make my life so much easier.

I would love to hear a tip of how you made something in your life easier.

Infectious Disease

We have dodged this inevitable season for 8 years... but it's our turn...

Chicken pox have entered the house.

4 kids...

1 down 3 more to go...

7-10 day incubation period...

5-7 days of contagious sores...

Do the math...

We are loaded up on Calamine and Oatmeal Baths...

The biggest concern I have with the timing is all 4 kids are in my Brothers wedding in about 7 weeks... I hope they are not too scarred up for the pictures. Pictures that will be in our family for the rest of our lives.

Well it will be something to remember anyways...

If you think of us... please pray...

Have you had the chicken pox? How old were you? Was is bad?

Adventure

Somewhere within all of us there is a hunger for adventure. What kind of adventure we seek is different for everyone but somewhere inside, we long for an experience that thrills us. I hunger and long for adventure, new and different experiences that I can’t predict the outcome of. 

One limitation I am working on is a fear of taking risks. I know that sounds contradictory but I find it difficult to take risks at the expense of my relationships, however I would take almost any risk when it comes to a physical adventure where the relationships in my life are not at stake. I would love to go on a safari. The idea of ministering in a politically dangerous nation is thrilling to me. It’s a faith risk I would take. Climbing Mount Everest, Walking 60KM for Breast Cancer,white water rafting, learning a new sport, spending time on a remote island are all adventures I would take in a second.  Some of the places I would love to experience are Africa, India, Australia, The Middle East and China.

But when it comes to adventure and risk in the face of possible failure at the expense of the people in my life, I get cautious. Speaking is one of the risks I am taking to overcome this limitation. I made a decision last fall that I was not going to say no to speak in public anymore.  I do not think I am a naturally good communicator but it’s a risk I am willing to take. Every time I get up to speak I risk saying something wrong, I risk looking like an idiot, I risk being completely boring and irrelevant and I risk offending people by what I say.

It's strange how I can long for risk and adventure in a physical sense but when it comes to the relationships in my life I am so cautious.  Well I am breaking out of my cautious box and taking risks in all areas of my life. I want to further God’s Kingdom on Earth, and in order to do that I will have to risk.

Do you long for adventure? Are you satisfied with the adventure of your life? Do you take risks?